Ladies... 1

Here are dumb pickup lines. Many adhere to this mentality; I abhor it.

Hey, beautiful flower. I'd like to be your sun and chlorophyll you up. I lost my number. Can I have yours? No. Your social security number. I... I'm gonna steal your identity, babe. The only time I've been laid this year has been off. What say we go back to your place and I crash on your couch? Just for a few weeks. Just until I get back on my feet. Once this quarantine ends, want to join me in standing outside of battered women's shelters while wearing "VAGITARIAN" shirts? I'm such an Adonis that when too many women crowd around me, folks call for a clean-up in aisle ME. What's your favorite position? Mine is the fetal in the closet. Most folks can't even hear the crying. I've asked my neighbors. This place is too loud. Let's go back to my place, make out on my parents' couch, and end with me crying in the corner as you awkwardly realize that I drove us here and you must wait for an Uber. You have to admit that women have at least a little responsibility for assault. I mean, why do they wear such chloroform-fitting attire?

You seem like a good woman who knows what to do (unlike the dikes, bitches, and cunts I've met before).

I'd settle for you. I like my women's opinions like I like my coffee: unfiltered. This explains why I choke so often that my lungs fail.

Not for nothing, but I'd like to nominate you for Motor Trend's Car of the Year! After that, I'd take you for a test ride. Women don't deserve orgasms, but I'd be pleased to be a donor.